


SCP-294, Retrieval Notes

by RevMarsh



Category: SCP Foundation
Genre: Gen, acquisition log
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 17:12:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RevMarsh/pseuds/RevMarsh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The policy," the anonymous administrator said, "is to reuse equipment not currently being used before wasting funds on new purchases."</p>
            </blockquote>





	SCP-294, Retrieval Notes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [loveparade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveparade/gifts).



**SCP-294, Retrieval Notes**

January, 2005

Personnel Involved:

  * Dr. Bright
  * Dr. Lofgren
  * Dr. Armitage
  * Field Agent Esposito
  * Field Agent Westing



Hikers looking for Nike Missile Sites (c. 1951-1974, mostly coastal USA, US Army and Air Force) which had not been filled in had found the laboratory in a remote area of New Hampshire.  Agents assigned to monitoring urban exploration websites and message boards discovered the discovery before significant inroads could be made by local civilians.   The site (now Site ██) itself has been disassembled.  It has been determined not to be part of Prometheus Labs, nor The Factory, although a few smaller devices manufactured by each were recovered.  However, glassware and standard laboratory equipment by major civilian and some military contractors were recovered.  

The item now classified as SCP-294 was found in a side room.  This is room 3 on the schematic of Site ██.  

Aside from cabinets (fiberboard, plywood) installed along the east wall of room 3, and a small, single sink, also found in room 3 were:

  * five circa 1960-1970s era USA-made chairs (composite and metal alloy tubing), standard adult size.  Two chairs are medium blue and three are orange.  
  * one oval table, measuring 1.5m X 1m (metal, plywood, rubber, and chipboard)   The table is mostly covered in dark-blue chipboard, edged in rubber molding.   Marks were present upon discovery, but have been removed.   These marks coincide with the size of a standard ceramic coffee mug and from the samples from which residue could be removed, consisted mostly of dried sugar and dust.  
  * one Amana Radarange Microwave Oven, model RR-9T.  
  * Samples from interior were analyzed and provded to be a mix of organic compounds, mostly oils.  Degradation over time has made the compounds difficult to distinguish, but it appears to be similar to contemporary samples taken from the 2nd and 4th floor break room microwaves.  
  * One cork bulletin board.  
  * Twelve pushpins, silver-tone.
  * One half-piece of lined notebook paper, top half only,  stating 'Remove all food from fridge by Tuesday!'  
  * One refrigerator, Kenmore (Sears) brand, in harvest gold.  When found, was unplugged and closed.
  * Refrigerator opened by field agents, wearing N-95 protective masks and medium-thickness disposable latex gloves, was found to contain only a single, partially full jar of ███ store brand mustard.  Jar was closed when found.  Analysis indicated substance was mustard, with minimal fungal contamination.   Freezer compartment was empty.  
  * One  machine, now SCP-294.  This object appears to be a coffee machine significant for an English QWERTY keyboard and no manufacturer or service name or number.  Please refer to SCP-294 for full description.   
  * Inside various cabinets were found:
    * seven ceramic or glass mugs, in various designs.  No designs were duplicated.
      * [LOCATION REDACTED] Savings Bank, blue and white.
      * 5K Fun Run 19█, [LOCATION REDACTED], white and red.  
      * floral bouquet, with stylized wildflowers, multicolor on faux-stoneware brown
      * Pfalzgraff brand in 'Yorktowne Village Light' 'Perfect Mug' in gold and brown
      * 2 mugs Fire King brand, white with geometric patterns, one in light blue, the other in green and yellow.
      * clear glass mug, with foot.   Base has a single symbol, appearing to be either a 'W' or 'M' (possibly 'E') in black grease-pencil.  The marking has accumulated dust and is impossible to clear completely without erasing the symbol.
    * one box of mixed cardboard, metal, and plastic decorations.  The decorations include: several Christmas themed decorations, including a length of garland; one multicolored cardboard banner reading 'Happy Birthday' with several pin-holes in the first and last letters; four lightweight plastic flowers; finally, several patriotic decorations associated with the US's 1976's bicentennial.  
    * A plastic basket, dark brown, containing 6 pens (assorted), 7 pencils (assorted), one black grease-pencil, three felt-tip markers (one each red, green, and black), and one very brittle pink rubber eraser.  All utensils, except one unsharpened pencil, show signs of use.  One pencil appears to have been chewed.  Brief analysis of chew marks indicate teeth suited to an omnivorous diet (likely human, but cannot rule out other primates.)  



Field Agents were requested to retain all portable objects from the laboratory, inclusive of room 3.   Equipment was provided the following day to lift the large machine.  After field testing and removal of contents, the refrigerator was dismantled and disposed of at the nearest municipal facility in accordance with local regulations.  

On January ██, 2005, Dr. Bright joined Regional Research Coordinators Drs. Armitage and Lofgren to investigate the laboratory.  Field Agent Westing performed interviews with local residents established to have been resident and at least school-aged from at least 197█, in order to attempt to establish the organization which the laboratory was connected with.  Please refer to information regarding Site ██, New Hampshire, USA, and cross-linked interviews for establishment of provenance.  Field Agent Esposito assisted as needed in all parts of investigation.  

It was noted that the machine SCP-294 does not have a power cord, nor does it appear to draw power from contact in the manner of a standard conduction coil.  At approximately 1130, Dr. Bright stated he heard a faint hum, as if from an operational machine and stated: "It sounds like it's plugged in."  At this point, Field Agent Esposito began recording:

* * *

**First Witnessed Use of SCP-294**

Test A,  SCP-as yet unclassified

[LOCATION REDACTED: _now classified as Site_  █]

█ Jan 2005

Recording: Field Agent E. Esposito

11:34: Dr. Bright states 'It sounds like it's plugged in.  What the hell."  

11:35: Dr. Bright inserts two US quarters into the slot labelled '50 ¢'.

11:36: Dr. Bright, after a moment of consideration, types 'Coffee' on the keyboard.

11:36: Machine has a hum faintly audible at 2 meters.

11:36: Machine has deposited what appears to be a white paper or polymer-coated paper cup in the receptacle near the center-bottom, approximately 0.75m from the bottom.  

11:37: A dark liquid is pouring from a location above the receptacle.  It fills the cup, allowing 2cm of space until the top of the cup.  Humming noise ceases to be audible from recorder's distance at 2m.

11:37: Dr. Bright attempts to retrieve cup.  "███," and sundry oaths muttered.  Dr. Bright comments, "The ██ing cup is hot."  Indicated that Dr. Lofgren retrieve portable spectrographic analyzer from vehicle.  

11:45: Dr. Lofgren returns from vehicle with portable analyzer.  Dr. Bright inserts probe into liquid in cup, without removing it from receptacle.  

11:47: Initial analysis reveals the substance is 90 deg. C and consistent with potable water and coffee.  Origin of coffee beans unable to be analyzed at this time.  Analysis does not reveal significant radioactivity or substances known to be dangerous for human consumption.

11:48: Dr. Bright removes cup from receptacle, removes analysis probe, and consumes coffee.  "This is ██ing vending machine coffee, all right."  Remainder consumed.  Taste evaluated qualitatively as "the same kind of awful I've had at any hospital."

* * *

**Additional Notes**

SCP-294 has been installed in the 2nd floor break room after initial safety analysis and experimentation was completed.   "The policy," the anonymous administrator said, "is to reuse equipment not currently being used before wasting funds on new purchases."  

While the apparent cost-saving measures of installing SCP-294 are minimal, consideration of resource use at the facility, when considering a balance of costs of monitoring spent on securing the machine versus the costs of time saved by use of a universal drinks dispenser at a central location for appropriate personnel, the installation of SCP-294 is a slight net positive in economic analysis and has been established by annual surveys as a positive addition to the break room in term of personnel morale.  

Additional information on information gathered at Site ██, as well as information regarding scientific equipment retrieved from the site, may be accessed with appropriate clearance.  


End file.
